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▲: will you be my friend?
▼: EGBERT IS THIS YOU.
▲: pfft, no that's my daddy!
▲: mr. egbert!
▼: OH GOD AM I TALKING TO JOHN AS A GRUB.
▲: i'm not a worm!
▲: haha, that would be cool though! i could wiggle around on my belly!
▼: OH GOD I ACTUALLY AM TALKING TO JOHN AS A GRUB.
▲: heheh, okay, i will be a worm wiggling wiggle wiggle!
▼: THIS IS
▼: I DON'T EVEN
▲: who are you mr. shouty guy!?
▲: will you be my friend?
▼: I'M KARKAT VANTAS.
▲: even if i'm a nasty worm?
▼: AND SURE. WHATEVER.
▲: that's a funny name!
▼: NOT AS FUNNY AS JOHN EGBERT.
▲: who's that/
▲: is that my daddy's name?
▼: NO, IT'S YOURS.
▲: hehe, but i don't have a name!
▲: 'specially not john! although it's sort of cool... not as cool as nic though...
▲: and it's not as cool as karkat! hehe...
▲: karkat... like... car... cat! wow can i pet you?
▲: are you a kitty?
▼: NO. I'M A TROLL.
▲: oh no trolls are scary!
▼: UGH. WHY AM I STILL TALKING TO YOU, AND WHY AM I FINDING THIS DISGUSTINGLY CUTE.
▲: hehe, i don't know! because you're my friend?
▲: and i'm not cute! i'm tough! and a big boy!
▼: AND NOW I KNOW HOW TEREZI MUST FEEL SOMETIMES.
▲: huh? who's terezi?
▲: is she your friend?
▲: but i'm your friend...
▼: YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE FRIEND.
▲: but i want to be your only friend!
▲: i don't want to share! you'll be mean and go play with terezi and then no one will want to be my wife! how can i play house without a wife!
▼: OH GOD.
▼: I DON'T KNOW, GET YOUR DAD TO BE THE WIFE OR SOMETHING.
▲: ewwww that's gross, he's already my dad, he can't be my wife!
▼: OH, RIGHT. HUMAN INCEST AVERSION. WHATEVER.
▲: and he's not my friend either!
▼: YOU COULD MAKE FRIENDS OTHER THAN ME, YOU KNOW.
▲: ... but people are mean.
▲: they call me curse word names and say they're going to do mean things to me!
▼: WAIT WHAT?
▼: DID THEY TYPE DIFFERENTLY?
▼: IT MIGHT BE SOMEONE I KNOW.
▲: they typed normal like me, and i think their name was jimmy!
▲: they asked for my name and when i said no, they said they would make me their bitch!
▲: what's a bitch?
▼: IT'S A BAD WORD.
▼: DON'T SAY IT AGAIN.
▲: oh no!
▲: am i going to get in trouble?
▼: NO, I WON'T TELL ANYONE. YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.
▲: thank you karkat! you're so great! hehe!
▲: you're definitely my best friend!
▼: UGH. TIME ANEURYSM...
▼: GIMME A MINUTE.
▲: that sounds cool! like a time machine?
▼: KIND OF.
▼: I'M A TIME TRAVELLER. I'VE TALKED TO YOU IN THE FUTURE.
▼: AND ALL THIS TIME TRAVELLING IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
▲: oh no! should i give you a head rub?
▼: NO THANKS, I'LL BE FINE.
▲: okay! good! daddy says i'm not allowed to touch the medicine!
▲: but i could get some for you?
▼: NO, REALLY, JOHN, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'LL BE FINE.
▲: okay! so you're from the future? like back from the future?
▼: SORT OF.
▼: I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY SEEN THAT MOVIE, BUT FUTURE YOU WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT, SO I'VE PICKED UP A BIT.
▲: future me?
▲: oh wow. in the future...
▲: i must be old! and wrinkly and stuff!
▼: NOT REALLY. IT'S WHEN YOU'RE 13 EARTH YEARS OLD.
▲: oh man! thirteen!? haha, that's so cool!
▼: IS IT? SEEMS PRETTY AVERAGE TO ME.
▲: haha, you must be old too! are we friends in the future/
▼: YEAH. YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS.
▼: AND I'M... UH. I'M 13 TOO.
▲: oh wow! you're the oldest person i know!
▲: who isn't, you know, old old!
▲: and you're my friend!? so cooooool!
▲: this is going to be great!
▲: we can play big kid games! and.. well you won't fit on my pogo ride i don't think...
▼: YEAH. WE'LL DEFINITELY PLAY A BIG KID GAME TOGETHER.
▲: like house? or we could play movies!
▲: or, uh, monsters!
▼: I DON'T THINK I'VE HEARD OF THOSE.
▲: haha, well what games do you play!?
▼: UH, WELL, RIGHT NOW? I'M PLAYING A GAME CALLED SGRUB.
▼: IT DOESN'T EXIST YET.
▲: that's so confusing!
▲: grub like baby?
▲: it sounds like a kid game!
▼: TRUST ME, IT'S NOT.
▼: WHEN YOU'RE 13, THERE WILL BE A GAME CALLED SBURB.
▼: THAT'S THE VERSION OF SGRUB YOU'LL GET TO PLAY.
▲: ... but i want to play your version!
▼: IT'S OKAY, EVENTUALLY THE VERSIONS WON'T MATTER AND WE'LL GET TO PLAY TOGETHER.
▲: but i want to play now!
▲: i'll even let you be the leader, please, please, please!
▼: UH. IT DOESN'T EXIST YET, JOHN.
▲: ... oh...
▲: haha, i guess we can play something else then!
▼: LIKE WHAT?
▲: ... i don't know, i don't know any big kid games. do you like powerrangers?
▼: NEVER HEARD OF IT, BUT I GUESS I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
▲: okay, well since you're the leader, you can be the red ranger! and i'll be the blue ranger! and we will beat up the bad guys together!
▼: RED RANGER, HUH.
▲: he is always the leader! okay! hehehe. oh no look there's a monster it's going to eat me!
▼: I KILL THE MONSTER WITH MY SICKLE.
▲: but then it becomes two monsters and breathes fire! RAWR!
▲: so i kick it in the face! pchoo!
▼: AND I'LL STAB THE OTHER ONE.
▲: yay! we killed the first two monsters! the townspeople are safe! woooh!
▲: hey, hey karkat, i got to go to the potty, i'll be back real quick okay?
▲: now we have to fight the alien monsters in outerspace!
▲: so we get in a big rocket!
▼: IS THERE ANYTHING IN THE ROCKET?
▼: OTHER THAN US.
▲: uh... yeah lots of control things and levers and a cool bunk bed and computers and giant rocket blaster things!
▼: I USE THE GIANT ROCKET BLASTERS TO SHOOT THE ALIEN MONSTERS.
▲: noooooo, those are the giant rocket blasters that power the ship they don't shoot stuff!
▲: we have to transform!
▲: go go powerrangers!
▼: WE CAN DO THAT?
▲: yes! we transform into a giant outerspace robot!
▼: OKAY, LET'S UH, DO THAT THEN.
▲: hehehe, are you having fun?
▼: YEAH, I AM.
▲: haha, yay! my wifes never want to play powerrangers!
▲: okay, so we kick the big alien monsters butt! now we can go back and talk to that head in a jar!
▼: HI HEAD IN A JAR, WE BEAT UP THE MONSTERS.
▲: yay! we get rewards! i want candy what do you want?
▼: I'LL TAKE SOME CANDY TOO, I GUESS.
▲: yay! i will give you some of my candy if you give me some of yours!
▲: karkat are you sure you're having fun? maybe we can play one of your games!
▼: DON'T WORRY, I'M HAVING FUN.
▼: I'M ACTUALLY USUALLY A LOT MORE LOUD AND ANGRY THAN THIS. IT'S KIND OF RELAXING.
▲: wow, really! that's great! like smoking a pipe!
▲: daddy likes that a lot! especially if i break something... do you smoke a pipe?
▲: do i smoke a pipe?
▼: I DON'T SMOKE PIPES. AND YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DO THAT.
▲: i mean when i'm old!
▼: NO, YOU DON'T.
▲: oh... that's sad i want to smoke a pipe!
▲: i will look all cool and adult and manly!
▼: WELL, YOU GET A JETPACK EVENTUALLY.
▲: oh woah what?
▲: i do!
▲: oh man!
▼: YEAH. I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF JEALOUS.
▼: I MEAN, I COULD MAKE ONE FOR MYSELF, BUT IT'S KIND OF TOO LATE FOR THAT.
▲: hehe, really? i will share mine with you!
▲: of course, that's what friends are for! but you can't let terezi play with it!
▼: OKAY, I WON'T.
▲: yay! you're the best! i guess you can let her play with it, as long as you like me more!
▼: SHE HAS HER OWN, ANYWAY.
▲: wow does everybody have jetpacks!?
▲: why doesn't she share with you?
▼: BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.
▲: ... why not?
▼: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. GROWNUP STUFF.
▲: ... i hate grownup stuff!
▼: YEAH, ME TOO.
▲: but it's supposed to be fun!
▼: GROWNUP GAMES ARE, KIND OF. GROWNUP STUFF ISN'T.
▼: SOMETIMES GROWNUP STUFF HAPPENS BECAUSE OF GROWNUP GAMES.
▼: IT'S COMPLICATED. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
▲: haha it sounds weird!
▲: what are you doing karkat?
▼: RIGHT NOW? SITTING IN A LAB, WAITING FOR FUTURE YOU TO BEAT SBURB.
▼: OR AT LEAST LINK OUR GAMES TOGETHER.
▲: ooooh. so we can beat up the bad guys together?
▼: YEAH. THERE'S THIS REALLY BAD GUY NAMED JACK. WE NEED TO TEAM UP TO FIGHT HIM.
▲: we'll be just like the red and blue rangers for real! hehehe.
▲: he sounds like a meany! but we can definitely kick his butt!
▲: hey, do you like nic cage?
▼: I THINK THAT'S THE GUY VRISKA'S BEEN FAWNING OVER.
▼: HUMAN ACTOR, RIGHT?
▲: is vriska your friend tooo? oh nooooo.
▼: SHE'S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND.
▲: yeah he is though!
▲: but you play with her?
▼: IF I HAD A CHOICE, I WOULDN'T.
▲: oh, i get it! she is mean but your parents make you play!
▼: SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
▲: karkat i'm getting boooooored! i want to play another game!
▼: OKAY, PICK ONE.
▲: uh... cops and robbers!
▼: YOU'LL HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT ONE TO ME.
▼: SORRY, I DON'T KNOW ANY OF THESE WEIRD HUMAN GAMES.
▲: okay! one of us is the bad guy, and the other one is the good guy, and the good guy has to lock the bad guy up!
▲: well you could tell me what games you do know!
▼: THE ONLY GAMES I'VE EVER REALLY HEARD OF THAT I CAN REALLY TALK ABOUT WITH YOU RIGHT NOW WOULD BE FLARP AND SGRUB.
▲: hehe, flarp sounds funny!
▼: WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT SGRUB AND I DON'T THINK WE COULD FLARP VERY WELL, AND BESIDES, I'VE NEVER DONE IT.
▲: oh. maybe we should make up a game them!
▲: you can be a troll, and demand i give you my lunch money!
▲: that's what trolls do right?
▼: UH. NOT REALLY.
▼: HOW SHOULD I EXPLAIN THIS...
▼: WE'RE KIND OF LIKE... ALIENS?
▼: IT MIGHT BE EASIER IF I JUST DUG UP A PICTURE OF MYSELF.
▲: aliens! do you want to suck out my brain with your alien tentacle thingies!?
▲: hehe, okay!
▲: i mean to a picture, not the brain thing, i need my brain!
▼: IT'S OKAY, I DON'T WANT YOUR BRAIN, WHATEVER THAT IS.
▲: huh? it's the squishy thing in my head that i think with!
▼: OH, LIKE A THINKPAN. ALRIGHT THEN. STILL DON'T WANT IT.
▲: hehe good! so where's this picture! i wanna see!
▼: YEAH YEAH, CALM DOWN.
BEST ONE I COULD FIND ON SHORT NOTICE, SORRY.
▲: you look like you're going to eat me!!!!!!!
▼: I'M NOT GOING TO EAT YOU.
▲: are you sure? that's what the granny said in that story but she had big teeth and then gobble gobble there went little red riding hood!
▼: SERIOUSLY. IF I WANTED TO EAT YOU, JOHN, I WOULD'VE DONE IT ALREADY.
▼: ...AND MY FANGS AREN'T THAT BIG.
▲: they're sharp though!
▲: hehe and you have kitty eyes!
▲: is that why you're called karkat?
▼: NO, I'M CALLED KARKAT BECAUSE IT'S MY NAME.
▲: haha, i guess that makes sense!
▲: why do you have candy corn on your head!
▲: that's silly!
▼: THEY'RE HORNS.
▲: they look like candy!
▼: YEAH, I'VE BEEN TOLD.
▲: like goat horns?
▼: EVERY TROLL HAS HORNS, THOUGH.
▲: do you headbutt people with them?
▼: NOT WITH MY NUBS, I HOPE.
▼: TAVROS PROBABLY COULD WITH HIS, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'D EVER WANT TO.
▲: is he another friend? man you have so many friends!
▼: YEAH. THERE'S 12 OF US HERE.
▼: PLUS YOU AND THREE OTHER HUMANS.
▲: oh wow that's so many...
▼: SO I GUESS I HAVE 15 FRIENDS.
▲: ... i bet you already have a husband!
▼: WAIT, WHAT?
▲: a husband! you already have one don't you? is it terezi?
▼: WHAT DOES THAT WORD EVEN MEAN. OR WIFE, FOR THAT MATTER.
▲: that's so mean, i thought we were going to be best friends!
▲: huh? it means uh. it's what you are when you grow up and love someone and get married and live together and make babies!
▼: OH. OKAY.
▼: I'M UH. NOT GOING TO GO OVER TROLL RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOU.
▲: ... huh?
▲: do you already have a husband or not!?
▼: I CAN TELL YOU I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND OR WIFE, IF THAT HELPS.
▲: yay! then you'll be my wife, pretty, pretty please!?
▼: UGH. TELL YOU WHAT, JOHN.
▼: IF YOU STILL REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION WHEN YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH FOR THAT, THEN SURE. WHATEVER.
▲: really? oh man! thank you thank you thank you!
▲: but... uh... who is going to play house with me then?
▼: YOU WOULDN'T REALLY HAVE TO AT THAT POINT, WOULD YOU?
▲: no i mean now!
▲: no one wants to play house!
▼: I DON'T KNOW. TRY MAKING SOME HUMAN FRIENDS?
▲: ... but i want to play with my best friend...
▼: YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND?
▲: well, yeah! obviously!
▲: otherwise i wouldn't have let you be the red power ranger!
▼: I GUESS YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND TOO, JOHN.
▲: oh wow! no one's ever said that to me before! you really are the best karkat! the best ever!
▼: YEAH WELL. DON'T GET USED TO IT.
▼: THIS IS PROBABLY THE NICEST YOU'LL EVER SEE ME.
▲: really? why? don't you want to be my bff?
▼: I THOUGHT WE ALREADY WERE.
▼: BUT I TOLD YOU BEFORE, I'M USUALLY A LOT LOUDER AND MORE ANGRY.
▲: oh. so you're going to be mean to me?
▼: I DON'T KNOW.
▼: I'LL TRY NOT TO BE.
▲: good! because i don't want to have to beat you up! we're supposed to be friends!
▼: SPEAKING OF FRIENDS, THOUGH. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HUMAN FRIENDS YET?
▼: FUTURE YOU DOES, I GUESS YOU HAVEN'T MET THEM YET.
▲: i get human friends too? oh wow!
▼: YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW I SAID I WAS FRIENDS WITH THREE HUMANS OTHER THAN YOU?
▼: THAT'S THEM/
▲: oh wow! oh man, that's so cool! where are they!?
▼: YOU MIGHT HAVE OTHER HUMAN FRIENDS TOO, BUT THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT WE BOTH KNOW.
▼: I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE WHERE YOU ARE ON THE TIMELINE, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THEIR NAMES I GUESS.
▲: yay! what are they?
▼: DAVE STRIDER, ROSE LALONDE AND JADE HARLEY.
▲: oooh i will have to write those down so i will remember!
▼: PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA.
▲: i'm going to have so many friends this will be so great!
▼: YEAH, IT WILL.
▲: but you will still be my best friend, and then you can be my wife!
▼: ...HEH. ALRIGHT. WHATEVER YOU SAY.
▲: and we can have babies named casey and cookie!
▼: OKAY I'VE HEARD THE NAME CASEY AND THAT'S A MOVIE REFERENCE, BUT COOKIE?
▲: they're delicious!
▲: hehe, not they i want to eat babies!
▼: YEAH, I WOULDN'T WANT TO EAT GRUBS EITHER.
▲: hehe worms. i am wriggling. wriggle wriggle. pfft, hehe.
▼: THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY LIKE WORMS.
▲: maybe we should play worms! uh. we could. what do worms do for fun?
▼: I DON'T KNOW, IT'S BEEN FIVE SWEEPS SINCE I WAS ONE.
▲: you were a worm! you must have been so small!
▼: UGH, IF I SHOW YOU EVERYONE'S GRUB PICTURES WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT THIS?
▲: wow, baby pictures? hehe, okay!
HERE, I PUT THEM ALL INTO ONE PICTURE.
▼: TOP LEFT IS ME.
▲: oh wow. you look like little bugs!
▲: but you look like an angry bug, haha!
▼: I TOLD YOU I'M USUALLY MORE ANGRY THAN THIS.
▲: hehe, you just need someone to play with! i wish i knew you were you were little too, we could have played together!
▼: I THINK ALL THE PLAYING WE COULD HAVE DONE WHEN I WAS A GRUB WOULD INVOLVE ME GETTING IN YOUR HAIR.
▲: in my hair?
▼: AS IN, I'M A GRUB, WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO OTHER THAN MESS SOMEONE'S HAIR UP.
▲: haha, i don't know! we could play rolly polly!
▼: NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS.
▲: it's where you roll around, duh!
▼: I THINK I'D BEAT YOU AT THAT.
▲: hehe, i don't know, i'm really good at it!
▼: STILL DON'T THINK YOU'D BEAT A GRUB AT ROLLING AROUND.
▲: hehe, okay, whatever, i challenge you to a rolly polly off, right now!
▼: I'M NOT A GRUB ANYMORE. AND ALSO I'M LIKE THREE TIMES YOUR HEIGHT.
▲: so? you're just afraid you'll lose! are you a chicken or a bug!?
▼: NEITHER. I'M A TROLL.
▲: oh yeah!
▲: why do you look like a bug when you're a baby if you grow up to be a troll?
▼: IT'S COMPLICATED. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
▲: haha, okay, if you say so! but what will little casey and cookie look like?
▼: I DON'T KNOW.
▲: oh. well. i bet they will be cute! and really good at rolly polly!
▲: i'm bored again, let's play a new game!
▼: LIKE WHAT?
▲: i want to play house. since you're my wife, make me a cake! please.
▼: UH. OKAY.
▼: I MAKE YOU A CAKE.
▲: yay, we get to eat cake! i will let you have some because i love you wife. it is chocolate right?
▼: I DON'T KNOW, DO YOU WANT IT TO BE?
▲: yes! or strawberry. strawberry cake is yummy! which flavor do you like?
▼: I DON'T REALLY CARE.
▲: karkat, it's no fun if you don't play along! now put on an apron!
▼: JOHN, THERE ARE NO APRONS ON THIS ASTEROID.
▲: ... oh. then how do you bake?
▼: VERY CAREFULLY, I GUESS.
▲: you can't bake without an apron!
▲: everyone is going to starve!
▲: we're going to have to eat your horns! do they taste like candy corn?
▼: YOU CAN'T EAT MY HORNS, JOHN.
▲: but they look so yummy and i misses snack time!
▼: I MEAN, I GUESS YOU COULD TRY. BUT THEY'RE ROCK HARD.
▲: haha, like a jawbreaker?
▼: NO, AS IN, YOUR TEETH WILL BREAK.
▲: that's a jawbreaker duh!
▲: you just have to suck on those until they get soft!
▲: then you can bite them!
▼: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET MY HORNS SOFT BY SUCKING ON THEM.
▼: BESIDES, WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH MY HORNS?
▲: they're cool looking! i wish i had some! and they look like candy and i'm hungry!
▼: GET YOUR DAD TO MAKE YOU SOME FOOD THEN.
▲: he's at work dummy!
▲: actually you grubs look yummy too, hehe! but they're babies and you can't eat babies!
▼: YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT THAT YOU CAN MAKE ON YOUR OWN?
▲: ... i ate my pudding cup...
▼: YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MORE?
▲: i can't cook dummy! i'm too little to wear an apron!
▲: plus the horns look yummier!
▼: YOU CAN'T EAT MY HORNS, JOHN.
▲: pleaaaaase? i'll buy you some new ones when i get my allowance!
▼: YOU CAN'T BUY HORNS.
▲: you can buy lots of stuff on the internet!
▲: i bet i could buy horns just like yours!
▼: I DOUBT IT. PLUS YOU'D HAVE TO ATTATCH THEM TO YOUR HEAD.
▲: with glue right?
▼: UH, NO. MY HORNS ARE ACTUALLY PART OF MY HEAD.
▲: but i want to eat them!
▲: please karkat! just one?
▼: WHY ARE WE EVEN STILL DISCUSSING THIS.
▲: hehe, because i want them!
▲: can i just take a little bite?
▼: NO, JOHN.
▲: ... you're being sort of selfish! you should share!
▼: THEY'RE MY HORNS, JOHN. THEY DON'T GROW BACK.
▲: ... could i hath a lickth?
▼: WHY ARE YOU TYPING LIKE THAT.
▲: becuth i'm stuthing my thongh out!
▼: UGH FINE WHATEVER.
▲: yummy! i lickth your hornth and they taste like candy! hehe.
▲: okay i will just take a little nibble? i nibbled!
▲: but they taste like candy!
▲: i am nibble nom nomming!
▼: MAYBE YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY EAT SOME CANDY INSTEAD OF MY HORNS.
▲: but it's so much more fuuuuuuun!
▲: and i don't have any candy...
▼: SHOULDN'T YOUR DAD BE COMING BACK SOON?
▼: GET HIM TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING SO YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING TO EAT MY STUPID NUBBY HORNS.
▲: maybe... but i will still get your horns! they will be delicous!
▲: i am nom nomming on them nom nom!
▲: mmm yummy troll horns! look they grew back! i had better eat these two! hehehhe!
▲: karkat! you're supposed to play along! go noooooo don't eat my horns!
▼: NOOOO STOP EATING MY HORNS THIS IS TERRIBLE.
▲: heheh no! because i am now a monster troll eater! i am huge and i like to eat yummy candy colored grub babies and also nibble on troll horns!
▲: nom nom nom. i slurped up all your horns!
▲: that isn't a happy sound!
▲: don't you like playing?
▼: I DO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
▲: karkat! i am full from all my grub munching. since you are my wife you have to tuck me in a read me a story!
▼: WHAT KIND OF STORY?
▲: a bedtime story! about princes and princesses and stuff!
▼: PRINCES AND PRINCESSES HUH.
▼: ALRIGHT, I'LL TRY.
▼: ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A PRINCE NAMED ERIDAN.
▲: haha, okay that is a funny name too!
▼: PRINCE ERIDAN THOUGHT HE COULD MAKE PRINCESS FEFERI LOVE HIM BY GIVING HER A LOT OF WHALES.
▲: hehe, whales!
▼: BUT PRINCESS FEFERI DIDN'T LIKE THE WHALES. PRINCE ERIDAN THOUGHT THAT SHE WASN'T GETTING THE PURPOSE OF THE WHALES, SO HE KEPT GIVING THEM TO HER.
▼: EVENTUALLY, PRINCESS FEFERI SAID TO PRINCE ERIDAN, "YOU HAVE TO STOP GIVING ME ALL OF THESE WHALES."
▲: where was she keeping the whales?
▼: I'LL GET TO THAT IN A MOMENT.
▲: in her bathtub? were they tiny whales?
▼: PRINCE ERIDAN STILL CONTINUED TO GIVE HER WHALES.
▼: PRINCESS FEFERI WAS GETTING TIRED OF ALL OF THESE WHALES, AND SHOWED PRINCE ERIDAN WHAT SHE HAD BEEN DOING WITH ALL OF THEM.
▲: what was she doing?
▼: SHE HAD BEEN FEEDING THEM TO GL'BGOLYB, SO THAT SHE WOULD NOT RAISE HER VOICE.
▼: IF GL'BGOLYB RAISED HER VOICE, IT WOULD KILL A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF TROLL LIFE EVERYWHERE.
▲: .... she fed the whales to someone?
▲: b-but... the whales...
▼: PRINCE ERIDAN WAS FURIOUS. HE SAID THAT THE WHALES WERE MEANT TO BE PRESENTS, NOT FOOD.
▲: why did she feed the whales what did the whales ever do? karkat this is a horrible s-story!
▲: prince eridan should stop being her husband!
▲: she is mean!
▼: PRINCE ERIDAN WAS NEVER HER HUSBAND, ALTHOUGH HE SOMETIMES WISHED HE WAS. EVENTUALLY HE STOPPED SEEING HER, AND BEGAN TO GIVE WHALES TO OTHER PEOPLE, IN HOPES OF MAKING THEM LOVE HIM.
▼: EVENTUALLY, HE FOUND SOMEONE, BUT THAT IS A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME.
▲: ... that was a horrible story karkat!
▲: that made me cry, i didn't like it!
▲: whw-why would anyone hurt the whales? they're so nice! i saw them at seaworld!
▲: and they were really friendly!
▼: YOU KNOW GL'BGOLYB? THAT THING I TALKED ABOUT?
▲: ... yeah?
▼: IF IT'S NOT FED ENOUGH, IT WILL KILL EVERY TROLL THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.
▲: oh no!
▲: no that's bad!
▼: SO IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, THE WHALES WERE PROTECTING TROLLS BY BEING FOOD.
▲: .... hehe, so the whales were doing it to be nice friends to the trolls?
▲: wow whales are so cool! can i have one?
▲: a little one!
▼: I ACTUALLY KNOW PRINCE ERIDAN, AND IF I KNOW HIM, WHEN YOU MEET HIM HE'LL TRY TO GIVE YOU ONE.
▲: oh yay! i will take care of it i promise!
▲: i will feed it fishy food every day!
▼: YEAH, YOU'D BETTER. HE GETS MAD IF YOU DON'T.
▲: here fishy fishy. can i cuddle a whale?
▲: or would it have to stay in the tank?
▼: IT'D HAVE TO STAY IN WATER, BUT I GUESS IF YOU SWAM INTO THE WATER WITH IT YOU COULD.
▲: oh yay! hehehe, okay that story was pretty good!
▼: THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER REALLY TOLD A STORY.
▲: oh wow you are the best! you will be a master!
▲: you can tell me stories all the time, okay?
▼: OKAY. I'LL TELL YOU ANOTHER ONE LATER.
▲: hehe, okay. but you know, shh, i will tell you a secret!
▲: it helps if the lady and boy get together in the end!
▼: I GUESS IT WOULD, BUT UH, WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL I WORKED WITH THAT WASN'T REALLY AN OPTION.
▲: haha, okay! i'm just saying! but you did really good!
▲: hey, since i don't have a whale yet, can i cuddle with you?
▼: UM. I'M ON AN ASTEROID, I DON'T THINK YOU COULD.
▲: karkat! you know what i mean! i can't eat your horns either or slay space aliens silly!
▼: BLUH. FINE, WHATEVER.
▲: good! okay, we are cuddling! i think you can pretend to be a grub, so we will be the same size!
▼: FINE, I'M A GRUB.
▲: heehee, grubs are cute! okay, we are going to sleep! so you have to tuck me in first!
▼: OKAY, I TUCK YOU IN.
▲: and then i tuck you in and we hug! you are very warm and cuddly and maybe slimy!
▼: AND YOU'RE UH. VAGUELY HUMAN-ISH. I GUESS.
▲: haha, that's weird! so i peck your forehead. goodnight kargrub!
▼: GOOD NIGHT, JOHN.
▲: you have to kiss me back too dum dum!
▼: UUUUGH FINE. I KISS YOU. I GUESS.
▲: hehe. okay. then we go to sleep. snooore.
▲: are you asleep yet?
▼: YEAH, I'M ASLEEP.
▲: heehee, i love you karkat.
▼: BLUH. I LOVE YOU TOO, JOHN.